If you are new to the lifestyle, please check out our Lifestyle 101 classes. They’re free!
Here are some of the most frequently asked questions we get.
Q: What can I expect to see there?
A: That depends on what event you attend. Some of our events, like certain classes and demos, socials, munches, and coffee times are NOT play events, and you’ll see people there in street clothes socializing or attending whatever the class/demo is. If it’s a play event, the activities that you might witness can vary drastically depending on the evening. For example, on a rope night, you’ll have a different experience than on a night where it might be a general play night.
Q: What is the minimum age?
A: You must be at least 18 years of age or older to attend/join. We will need to see a valid government photo ID with your date of birth on it if you are a guest or a new member applicant, and at renewals.
Q: I am het/gay/trans/CD______. Am I welcomed?
A: We welcome any person who is 18 or older and agrees to abide by our rules, regardless of their gender, orientation, or identification on the LGBTQ rainbow, or their kink interests.
Q: What about my safety? Will I be hit on every five minutes?
A: Contrary to misconceptions perpetrated in popular media, people who attend events are not at any greater risk than anyone attending any public event. As with any social gathering, people might approach you to talk. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, please approach a staff member to intervene.
Q: What do I wear? How revealing must I be?
A: Some events are street legal/casual wear. (Check the event description for more info.) Some events have a “theme” that if you dress to the theme, it might get you an entry fee discount (holidays, theme parties, etc). Again, check the event description for more info.
As far as regular play events, we ask everyone to either arrive in normal street clothes and change when you get here, or be covered up, aka “street-legal”. So, anything you feel comfortable in. Full fetish gear, to street clothes, to nothing at all. It’s all welcome once you’re inside. Fetish wear is admired, not required. We do ask if you are naked, or otherwise attired in such a way as bare bottoms might be touching furniture, to please sit on a towel. (And we provide them for free!) Note that for non-play events, the attire is usually street/casual clothes.
Yes, cross-dressers are welcomed here, and no, you will not be judged for it. Yes, if you are a cross-dresser, you may arrive dressed however you wish, as long as you are “street-legal” (meaning the “bits” are covered as per local laws).
Q: Will I have to pay for towels, water, or sodas?
A: The Phoenix Club supplies towels and many refreshments for free, including water, soda, and coffee. We have a bottled water cooler, coffee machine, and cups. (Please use the provided marker to write your name on your cup and use the same one all evening, thanks!) Ice is in the freezer, and bottles of soda are in the fridge.
Q: What about photography?
A: ABSOLUTELY NO photography of any kind is allowed without prior permission from management, direct supervision by a DM during the photography, and immediate review of the photos by a DM before the photographic device is allowed to be removed from the premises. Anyone caught taking unauthorized pictures or video will have their device immediately confiscated by management, the pictures/video deleted from the device, and will be immediately removed and banned from the premises.
Q: What about alcohol or drugs?
A: The Phoenix does NOT allow alcohol or drugs, and has a zero-tolerance policy in effect. DO NOT bring them here. Violators will be immediately removed from the club without a refund and banned.
Q: Do you allow sex in your club? Is this a swinger club? Are you a sex club? Are you a strip club/
A: NO. We do NOT allow sex in our club, and we are NOT a swinger club. If you have any questions about what activities are permitted and prohibited, please ask staff BEFORE you play. We are NOT a sex club. We are NOT a strip club. We do NOT have paid performers/players, and we do NOT have staff performers/players. This is a private membership club.
Q: I saw someone playing and want to meet them. What’s the best way?
A: Being polite is always a good first step. If the person is not engaged in a scene or aftercare, simply ask if they can talk, introduce yourself, and talk with them. Don’t be rude or pushy. And if they decline to talk, or don’t want to play, please respect that.
Q: Do I have to play? Is it mandatory?
A: No and NO! Never allow yourself to be drawn into a situation where you will be uncomfortable. Forget the nonsense you’ve read in books about uncollared submissives being grabbed and forced to play. That DOES NOT HAPPEN. Think of it as a kinky bar…without alcohol. You might have someone approach you and want to talk. And like in any other normal social situation, if you’re uncomfortable, either disengage from them, or approach a staff member to intervene. That’s what they’re there for. Some people only come to watch or socialize with friends. Participation is never required. We view ourselves as a kinky community center.
Q. I’m looking for a pro-Dom/me.
A. Sorry, we do not work with any pro-Dom/mes, and we do not give referrals or recommendations. We also do NOT provide play partners for people. This is a private membership club.
Q. I am a pro-Dom/me and want to attend.
This is a private membership club. You are welcomed to either attend once as a guest, or join and become a member, but you may NOT use our facility for commercial BDSM activities. Our rules prohibit commercial/pay-to-play/professional BDSM activities. Anyone found in violation of this rule will be ejected, banned from the premises, and their membership revoked, without refunds.
Q. Can you hook me up to play with someone? Do you have people on staff to play with? Can I join your staff as a Top/bottom?
A. Sorry, we neither provide play partners, nor do we facilitate hook-ups. Our staff is an all-volunteer staff, and we do NOT provide play partners. The best way to meet new play partners is to get out to community events (like coffee times and munches) and talk to people. It usually takes attending a regular event a minimum of three times before someone relaxes enough to actually start meeting and connecting with people. So don’t go once and never return. Everyone was new once. The more you get out and meet people, the easier it is to talk to people.
The bottom line is be courteous, and do not touch people, or possessions, that do not belong to you. If you have any questions, ask staff FIRST. NO means NO, and we are serious about that. If someone tells you NO, respect it. They do NOT owe you an explanation.
Our universal safeword is RED. Any edge play must be cleared with DMs/staff first to make sure we can accommodate it and to ensure your play isn’t accidentally interrupted mid-scene. We do our best to accommodate players and their scenes. If you need immediate outside assistance during a scene, call MAYDAY.
Clean all equipment immediately after use with the provided wipes, and dispose of all trash in the provided garbage cans. We provide a sharps container as well. (The sharps container is ONLY for sharps. We have plastic bags for gloves, gauze, etc.)
NOTE: We cannot allow open cups/containers with liquid in them to be brought into the facility once they are taken outside. Either leave your drink inside on the table in the office, or finish it outside and bring the empty cup back in. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
(Not a complete list of rules, and subject to revision/modification without prior notice.)
- Players assume all risk for their activities.
- If it’s not yours, don’t touch it. This includes people, implements, and other possessions.
- NO means NO. It is a complete sentence requiring no further explanation. If someone tells you NO, please respect that. Violators of this policy may be asked to leave.
- NO sex. For clarification of what activities are allowed and what is prohibited, please ask staff or a DM before play commences.
- NO alcohol. NO drugs. NO smoking inside the building or next to the front door or AC units, and please use the provided butt receptacle. (E-cigarettes are currently allowed in the social area only, but if another patron asks you to move or extinguish it because it is bothering them, please be courteous to them and do so.)
- NO photography/videography/recording unless it has been cleared in advance by staff and is directly supervised by staff. Violators of this policy will be banned.
- NO cell phone/tablet use inside the dungeon area during open play sessions. Please silence phone ringers and other devices. You may step out into the office to use your phone/device. (You may have the phone in your possession in the dungeon, but you may not take it OUT. We have clocks on the walls. If you need your phone monitored, please talk to the office staff about leaving it out there with them.)
- NO urine, NO feces, NO intentional vomiting as part of a scene. NO firearm/gun play (real or simulated). NO breath play/choking/neck ropes or other restraints that can tighten. (NON-tightening ties that function similarly to a collar are allowed.)
- We have a limited number of disposable plastic drop cloths available. If you feel you might need one, please ask staff before play commences. Any blood or bodily fluids must be immediately contained and cleaned up by the players following their scene. We have a sharps container for your convenience and disinfectant wipes. If you need other cleaning items, please ask for assistance.
- Please clean any equipment you use immediately after play with the provided wipes, and dispose of all trash in the provided garbage cans.
- If there is a wait for a piece of equipment, please be courteous and limit scenes (including set-up and break down) to 45 minutes. Please move your belongings away from a piece of play equipment immediately after you are finished playing so others know it’s available.
- Please do not sit on or otherwise tie up play equipment unless you are actively using it for play.
- Do not use our towels for wax play or to clean up bodily fluids. (We have paper towels if you need them, just ask for assistance.) If unfamiliar with wax play, please read the posted instructions first and ask a DM for assistance.
- If nude, or your bare bottom is exposed, please sit on a towel. Please put all used towels and blankets in the provided hamper next to the towel shelf.
- Notify DMs/staff before conducting edge play. For play involving elements of fire/fire play, please make sure to take all safety precautions before play starts. (Some types of fire play are not allowed due to safety issues and facility/space constraints. Please ask us first what is and isn’t allowed.) Depending on the situation, permission for some types of play might be denied on a case-by-case or night-by-night basis. (We do our best to try to accommodate our members, but safety is our priority.) We might ask for you to delay your scene to allow staff/DMs time to prepare properly. We appreciate your understanding and cooperation in this matter in helping to keep the Phoenix a safe place to play. If you have any questions about this policy, please feel free to contact us ahead of time to discuss it or to make arrangements in advance so we can ensure your play will go smoothly and safely.
- NEVER leave someone suspended or restrained without direct supervision. (Meaning you are within arm’s length of them, NOT across the room watching them.) DMs/staff reserves the right to step in and free anyone they find unsupervised who is suspended/restrained. (If you don’t want those ropes cut, then do not leave your bottom unattended.) Offenders of this policy will have their membership revoked at management’s discretion depending on the severity of the situation.
- Rope riggers, please keep safety scissors/knife handy for emergency situations, thanks. If doing suspension and you need a safety spotter, please ask the DM to help pair you up with someone. We also have bolt cutters on hand.
- If using the chains for suspension, only ONE bottom/person per chain, and please use mats under them for safety. Also, please don’t spin the chains.
- Do NOT encroach, intervene, or otherwise interfere in someone else’s scene unless they specifically ask for your assistance/participation. People who disrupt scenes may be asked to leave. If someone calls MAYDAY that is an all-call for outside assistance to step in.
- Please keep conversations on the social side of the space. Be mindful of where you’re standing so you don’t block others’ view of the play area or impinge on the play area, thanks!
- The social area is not for play.
- Please leave Tops room to swing implements. If you are not involved in a scene, please do not impede the play of others, or stand too close to their play area. We have a social area for socializing. If you get hit by a Top swinging an implement, it is YOUR fault for getting too close.
- Please refrain from intentionally cracking whips unless it’s a specialty whip event. We appreciate your consideration (and so do your fellow players).
- Please do not take food or open containers of drinks (except water) into the play area. If food is needed for your scene, please make sure to clean up after your scene.
- Please reserve couches for those needing to conduct aftercare. If couches are full, please give up your seat to someone needing it for aftercare. Thank you for your consideration.
- Please do not leave your implement bags on the couches, or in chairs. Staff reserves the right to move items if seating is needed. We provide shelving for implement bag storage.
- Please obey all instructions issued by DMs/staff.
- Anyone going into the office or outside must be dressed or otherwise “street-legal” in their attire. (This means cover up the bits, thanks!)
- Absolutely NO play is allowed outside or in the office area.
- Please do not hesitate to ask our DMs/staff questions, or to ask for assistance, or to bring problems to their attention. We want all our members to have a safe and fun experience.
- Management/staff reserves the right to amend these guidelines as needed without prior notification.
If you have any questions not covered by this FAQ, please contact us for more information.
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